hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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