Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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