I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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