there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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