dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
zippers are such a cool invention
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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