Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
