theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
