This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
