Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
