How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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