how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
