Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
