Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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