u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
