Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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