hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
