oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
