No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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