what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
