This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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