the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
