so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
