I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
