If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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