Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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