This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
