Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have aggressive nipples.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
