I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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