Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
