Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
