Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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