Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
