He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
