It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize