i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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