did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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