How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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