Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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