Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
