It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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