k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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