Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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