this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
