i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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