highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Randomize
