if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
