he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
