His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
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