I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
