boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
